Subject: Secrets of the World Revealed on I-29

Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2000

Dear McSweeney's,

My car ran out of gas and would not start again, stuck on the shoulder of a 2 lane highway. I put the "Need Gas" sign in the window and got out and began walking. I debated with the wisdom, but eventually stuck out my thumb, but did not turn around so as to appear more roguish and intriguing, rather than desperate. I did not expect anyone to stop, but I heard a horn behind me and there was a giant white semi. The driver let me in and took me to the gas station 10 miles down the road. He had a can of honey roasted nuts on the dashboard. I got a gas can and gas while he went for McDonalds. We met up and he started taking me back to my car. I asked him what he had hauled and he told me once he had hauled 50 million dollars in newly minted coins and had to wait 12 hours for the FBI security check to clear him before letting him into the treasury. Then, while there, he saw two agents pointing their machine guns at him. He looked down and was leaning on a box of used 100 dollar bills. He also shipped 100 million dollars worth of compaq laptops and was shepherded by two suburbans in front and one in back, all filled with "4 men with submachine guns" as his escort.

When I got the gas in my car and it started I went to thank him. I told him I didn't think truckers ever picked up hitchhikers. He said, "Naw, they'll pick you up usually, unless you look like some sort of a male prostitute."

"So, I guess I don't look like a male prostitute?"

"Naw, you don't have to worry."

And that's why it was the best Thanksgiving ever.

signed,

Christopher Sebela