Friday
Jun272008
the Travis Bickle syndrome
Friday, June 27, 2008 at 10:28AM
Working from home has its many many advantages, of which there are far too many list, but the majority of them involve a lack of proper dress attire and the ability to take naps. I work when I want to, so long as I make my deadlines, it doesn't matter how I do my job — just that I do it. Which can lead you down some narrow and wobbly paths. One of my major issues is freecycling, which, my friend Shena told me, is not the thing where you give shit away, but where you are no longer tethered to a regular sleep pattern. So one day you're up at 9am and in bed by 2am, and the next you're up til 5am and you sleep til 1 in the afternoon. Repeat this ad infinitum and pretty soon you've totally baffled your physiology. You're yawning at all the wrong times, you're widest awake when everyone is deep into REM cycles, you blast your music when everyone else seeks quiet and get annoyed at the loud noises when everyone is working on normal people hours.
It's a fun tightrope, most times, but this week I've been keeping exceptionally strange hours, going to bed around 8 or 9am and waking up at 4pm or so, clearly in defiance of god and our president's laws of nature. Which can be okay. I'm mostly doing it because I'm working a lot and prefer to work when the bastard sun is hidden well out of view, keeping my giant concrete box a slightly more reasonable temperature which is more amenable to focus, precision and general enthusiasm for life. But, i'm finding out, it's terrible for remaining well within the bounds of human society. The feeling was creeping up on me for a bit, but this afternoon I woke up at 4:30, having blown a lunch appointment with a friend I haven't seen in a bit and emails piled up and everyone just logging off of IM to go home for the day and I felt that acute pang of Travis Bickleness, only without the gun fetish and the all-day porno and peach brandy parties. Too much quiet, too much midnight, not enough sun, not enough intermingling with the species.
It's a fine and slippery line/slope you walk when you set your own hours and own your responsibilities. Keeping all those balls up in the air without the threat of tardy notices and bosses' furrowed brows can set all sorts of people running over the hill and glen with giddy freedom, myself included. The trick is knowing when to pull back, or, to put it simply, when too much of the good can be bad. Cruising the streets at dusk and later, talking to people over the computerbox, sleeping thru sunlight can warp you a bit, make you forget the good points that come with all the ugliness humanity is capable of dishing out to its fellow man, even if it comes in just the form of piss-poor driving or gigantic lines at the cafe. There's a special randomness that I feel acutely out of touch with this week, coming in just at the tail end of it every day.
So next week it's back to something approaching my vague definitions of normal. Bed by 4am, up by noon, just like a good American should. If I have this freedom, then it should be fully exercised, even if it's used to realign yourself with the normal ebb and flow of people. Even awfulness can be exciting when it's new and shiny. This things i promise!
(cut to)
And now that it's 10:30 in the morning, I'm going to bed. God save me.
It's a fun tightrope, most times, but this week I've been keeping exceptionally strange hours, going to bed around 8 or 9am and waking up at 4pm or so, clearly in defiance of god and our president's laws of nature. Which can be okay. I'm mostly doing it because I'm working a lot and prefer to work when the bastard sun is hidden well out of view, keeping my giant concrete box a slightly more reasonable temperature which is more amenable to focus, precision and general enthusiasm for life. But, i'm finding out, it's terrible for remaining well within the bounds of human society. The feeling was creeping up on me for a bit, but this afternoon I woke up at 4:30, having blown a lunch appointment with a friend I haven't seen in a bit and emails piled up and everyone just logging off of IM to go home for the day and I felt that acute pang of Travis Bickleness, only without the gun fetish and the all-day porno and peach brandy parties. Too much quiet, too much midnight, not enough sun, not enough intermingling with the species.
It's a fine and slippery line/slope you walk when you set your own hours and own your responsibilities. Keeping all those balls up in the air without the threat of tardy notices and bosses' furrowed brows can set all sorts of people running over the hill and glen with giddy freedom, myself included. The trick is knowing when to pull back, or, to put it simply, when too much of the good can be bad. Cruising the streets at dusk and later, talking to people over the computerbox, sleeping thru sunlight can warp you a bit, make you forget the good points that come with all the ugliness humanity is capable of dishing out to its fellow man, even if it comes in just the form of piss-poor driving or gigantic lines at the cafe. There's a special randomness that I feel acutely out of touch with this week, coming in just at the tail end of it every day.
So next week it's back to something approaching my vague definitions of normal. Bed by 4am, up by noon, just like a good American should. If I have this freedom, then it should be fully exercised, even if it's used to realign yourself with the normal ebb and flow of people. Even awfulness can be exciting when it's new and shiny. This things i promise!
(cut to)
And now that it's 10:30 in the morning, I'm going to bed. God save me.
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